Well apparently he's into motor boating.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
