Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
