ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
