oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
