i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
