Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
