can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
