Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
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I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
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when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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