pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
