I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
