Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
