went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
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great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
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I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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