You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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