Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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