she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
