note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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