what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
