Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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