Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Just fell off a train. Bad.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
When did we convert life to cartoon?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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