i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
