i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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