I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
