You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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