Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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