you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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