Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
