i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
