i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
