ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
