Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
