I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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