so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
