He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
