I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
