At least make sure they are 18
Why
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
