Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
