It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I think people are normalizing furries
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
