I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
