like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
