theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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