Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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