For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
