WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
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