Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
