Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
