just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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