I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
