I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
