well you can't waste a boner
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
