rhymes with "ouble enetration"
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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