He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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