Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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