The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
