are you so shy because you have an std?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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