he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
