Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
