worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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