I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
So apparently I’m into choking now
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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