i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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