goodnight i made you a song goodbye
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
