you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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